Good morning, Dear Reader! I’m up early again today and thinking I really enjoyed that thunderstorm that woke me up yesterday. I can’t begin to tell you how much I adore a good Missouri storm. The only thing missing during that storm was a glass of wine and a metal roof. I’m not prone to drinking at 6 a.m. , but if I had a metal roof and I suddenly found myself amidst a thunderstorm, I just might.
I’m struggling to come up with a good metaphor that relates to my mood this week, and I must tell you, I’m not sure I’m going to come up with something riveting. But I’m going to try my darndest because you clicked the link, and I believe I need to inspire you to do something great.
I’ve patiently been waiting for the trees to lose their leaves and Dunkin to launch All Things Pumpkin Spice season. I don’t want to rush my life, but man it’s hot here and it’s been hot for-fucking-ever. Our trees – and all living creatures – are under a tremendous amount of stress. People are acting batshit crazy and I, for one, am eager for a change in the weather. If you look closely, you’ll see that some of the trees are even starting to lose their leaves, and that’s because of environmental trauma – not because autumn is around the corner. (Although, we are seven weeks from October. Sigh. Seven long weeks.)
So, there you have it, folks. Even the trees know that lessening the load is the best way to cope (survive?) with trauma. (You’re welcome. That’s my third ‘plant’ metaphor in a row.)
I think we can learn a lot from this. I could go on a big tangent about trauma responses and how our bodies trick us into doing stuff to keep us from dealing with it. I fear, though, that would be very uninspiring. I’m going to do my best to bring this back around to how our lives – like those of the trees – can be enhanced by letting go.
Grab a drink. Settle in. Today I’m going to give you some tips on how to let go.
Before I dive in, though, I’d be remiss if I didn’t say: Letting go isn’t as easy as it seems. But, I’ve found three major themes when I decide to let go, and that’s where we are today.
1) Purge shit you no longer need. I like to pretend I’m moving from time to time (if you know me, I’ve moved 18 times in 16 years, so it isn’t a stretch for me to get in the ‘I’m getting the heck out of here’ mindset.) With this last housing transition, I didn’t even think twice. I barely reminisced over anything at all. I chucked so much that I don’t even own a skillet of my own at the moment. A lot of letting it go was to make room for the things I really wanted and needed. So far, that’s been minimal.
2) Avoid nay-sayers. Some of those people in your life who are taking up space in the VIP section need to be reseated to the regular seats or escorted out of the viewing room altogether. At the risk of sounding dramatic, this can be heartbreaking. And still, maybe you need to get on with it. I faced the music last year and watched as people floated magically out of my life. In the past, I would have chased after them. This time, I didn’t. I went through the gamut of emotions – hurt, anger, relief. They don’t get to be courtside if they aren’t cheering you on and rooting for you.
3) Excuse yourself from the table. I once had a friend who said, “I hate being the source of conflict. When that happens, I’ll quietly exit the room.” I finally got that about a year ago. I made of list of all the things I no longer enjoyed doing and a list of the people I no longer enjoyed being around. And I started crossing shit (and people) off the list. I ignored my sunk costs in everything: the knitting supplies, the house, the time spent trying to make relationships work, and the expectations of others. I finally came to the most challenging part of letting go when I realized that the place I’ve called ‘home’ for nearly 33 of my 51 years is a terrible place for me. It isn’t healthy to walk among my demons, and I got tired of dodging people in Wal-Mart. So I moved. And while it wasn’t far…it was far enough if you know what I mean. You don’t need to be so extreme. Still, I think you can apply this to anything that no longer brings you joy including, but not limited to, bras, Sunday dinner with your in-laws, meetings that get you no closer to the goal, etc. This past year, I let go of several toxic relationships, ridded myself of 90% of my belongings, moved to a new place, quit two jobs, stopped volunteering at my son’s school, and stopped drinking cheap whiskey. I am happy to report: All is well in my world. I don’t miss any of it. I’m better because I made all those choices – even when it was difficult – and you will be, too, Friend.
As I close, I’m reminded of a song by Dalton Domino. The lyrics are: I’ve burned some bridges. Torn down some fences. Some I’m still mendin’. Some I’m leaving the ashes where they lie. And I can’t think of a better metaphor for letting things go and not apologizing for the reasons why. Who you were is not who you are. You are allowed to shed all the leaves and grow new ones.
I get that this may not have been highly inspiring today. Still, I promise you it’s a segue into what’s been happening since making these decisions. I like teasers, and this one is a doozy….so wait until next week. It’s just starting to get good.
PS: If you liked this post and thought others might, please share on social media! Thanks, Sugar Britches. Much appreciated.