Good morning, Dear Reader. I cannot believe Friday finally arrived. It’s been a long, hot week. One that has left me feeling anxious and tired. The new moon is upon us, so it’s a good time to think about what you want in your life for the next month and set your intentions so that they support your journey. On another note, if you step outside tonight, you should be able to see all the visible planets lined up in a neat row. Isn’t science cool?
I feel like I’ve been walking in quicksand this week, not accomplishing much yet feeling drained. I’m allowing myself to step away from anything that requires a lot of energy this weekend. Sometimes self-care means doing less, and that’s what I intend to do. I hope this weekend is nothing more than board games, beer, lake swimming, and good food. But it will also be hot – which means sweaty private parts. Blech.
Speaking of food, I’ve been plant-based for a week and feel better. I’m not vegetarian or vegan or even lacto-ovo. I’m just reducing the amount of meat I eat regularly. Some of it was driven by my desire to lose weight. Still, I’ve also been reading a lot about blood glucose (it turns out its too much fat in your diet and being overweight, and not so much about the number of carbs one eats.) I’m sure that will get some raised eyebrows, but honestly, everyone is different. Some people thrive on the Keto diet. For some, like me, the Keto diet tries to kill us – bad pancreas’ run in the family. I’ll stick with my veggies and grains.
Anywho. What’s been going on in my brain this week? A heck of a lot, I can tell you that. I’ve done a pretty good job over the last few months focusing on the positive aspects of life and being grateful for all I have in my life. But this week, ripe with two difficult dates, I’ve been lucky to get out a few sentences. I’m feeling the need to retreat and withdraw but forcing myself to stay somewhat in the moment.
This leads me to today’s ‘stuff.’ Toxic positivity is something I’ve decided I can’t handle anymore. I mean, there’s a fine line between being a pessimistic asshat all the time and acknowledging that sometimes life isn’t fun. I look for a silver lining in most instances, try to remain calm, and attempt to keep my shitty moods contained for the most part. But can we please, please, please stop with all this false positivity when things don’t feel or seem right with the Universe.
Case in point…I was thinking about a friend who passed away this week and found this meme (below)…which I sent to his widow. She replied, “Amen”. See. She gets it. Sometimes life just is…well…life. Whatcha gonna do?
So that’s where I come in. I’m gonna tell you what you can do instead of falling in line with the ‘just think positive’ movement when the ‘just think positive’ movement is less than helpful.
Go on. Grab a drink. Settle in. Let’s go.
1) Feel your shit. Remember when I was a ‘Let that shit go’ person? I’m not anymore. Feel all your feelings so you can move through them. I ask my son a lot what he’s feeling because if he can name it, he can move through it. Ignoring feelings is a good formula for anxiety, restlessness, and stress.
2) Permission granted. If you were waiting for permission to fully exist in every mood and season. I hate when anyone makes me feel bad for being grumpy. “Gosh, you’re in a mood, aren’t you?” I don’t need to apologize for being grumpy unless I hurt you in the process. Guilt trips won’t help your cause any, though. I promise you that.
3) Watch your inner dialogue. Be mindful of the stories you’re telling yourself. My son said last night, “I have autism. I am stupid.” First, being Autistic and being stupid are not even related. There are very smart Autistics (like my son) and very stupid non-Autistics (like nearly 1/3 of the politicians in office). One does not beget the other. So I told him, “If you tell yourself this, then you’ll believe it when others say it about you. And it isn’t true, so stop with that negative self-talk”.
4) Get curious. I do a lot of inner work to find out which parts of me still need healing. I know I’m still furious at some folks, and I also know if I don’t get real and raw about why I won’t move past it. If you find yourself in that same boat, release any judgment you have for yourself (judge them all you want, for now) and speak compassionately to yourself. The most healing sentence in my life? I made the best decision I could with the information I had at that time. Go on. Write that on a post-it and stick it on your mirror.
5) Embrace the seasons. Every human experience comes with a full range of emotions. I gave birth after 23 hours of labor. I was exhausted and excited to meet the beautiful human I had co-created. I also was okay with them sweeping him away so I could sleep. I still love that small human beyond measure, but I look forward to the weekends he’s with his father. It’s okay to be sad and relieved at the same time.
My point today? Honestly, just stop apologizing for the day-to-day stuff we all experience. If someone writes you off for being sad too many days in a row, I invite you to do two things: Ignore them and maybe, just maybe, book a session or two with a therapist. Brief bouts of sadness or moodiness are one thing. Prolonged feelings signal to your body that something needs to change. And if you don’t take control of the course of action required for change, your body will do it for you. This part I know for sure.
I’m leaving you with a song (I know, SURPRISE!). I like this one because it acknowledges that life isn’t always rainbows and butterflies, but it can still be lived. I know I’m heavy on Mitch Rossell’s songs this season, but forgive me. I really like him, and he’s still a humble guy, despite his incredible talent and success. We should all take a piece of that lesson, right?
PS…If you liked this post, please feel free to post it on all the socials. Please and thank you.