Good evening, Dear Reader! November is upon us, and while I love cooler weather, I can’t shake the feeling that the end of the year is looming, and I still have a few goals to accomplish. However, making a list of small goals helped me get a bit out of my comfort zone. I got to experience a few really cool things that I would not, most likely, have branched out to do if it had not been for the personal accountability you provided. So, um, thanks. Check out all I accomplished in 2022 and take a peek at my 2023 Bucket List, which is still a work in progress.
I have so many topics swirling around in my brain tonight, and I’m not sure what I really want to share. I thought about a theme centered on No-vember, but so many other writers have done an excellent job explaining what to say “No” to this month that I feel like my message would really not do the idea any justice. I mean, “No Spend November” seems kinda like a no-brainer. Plus, do any of you really need to consider the benefits of owning fewer possessions after reading my posts over the past ten years? Less to clean, less debt, less to organize, less stress.
So what to write about today when, frankly, I’m exhausted. I’m facing a few things personally, and I’m so drained mentally and physically; I’ll stick with what I do best: Plan ahead and think about the coming year.
That said, I have some ideas for the new year as we stare it right square in the face for you. So…
Grab that drink. Settle in.
Let us go over here in our comfy chairs to discuss the five truths to live by in the upcoming year.
1) Settle for the fact that sometimes there isn’t any closure. For about a year after my divorce, I behaved like a private investigator. I dug deep into every text message and email I had received from my ex, dissecting each one like a cadaver worm in an eighth grade biology class. I tried to piece together dates to form a timeline where all the lies made sense. I questioned and requestioned people. Then finally, I realized, who the fuck cares anymore? The facts were: He left. I was financially broke. And I was angry. The sooner we accept that we will not receive closure in every situation, the sooner we can create our own closure. Create my own closure? By how? Hmmm. Like this: Close your eyes. Take a deep breath. Now exhale and softly whisper…“Fuck it”. And there you have it.
2) Everyone on the planet is self-centered. Yes. You read that correctly. Most of what other people do is about them, not you. As it is written in The Four Agreements, stop taking things so personally. If they wanted to, they would, right? There’s this thing called the 51% Rule. The 51% Rule states, “You are always doing what you want to do.” For example…I want to lose weight. But I wanted to eat that cookie 51% more than I wanted to go for a walk (49%). See? Basic math. In most cases, we’ve all lost the ability to think beyond our own amygdala, and eveyone is operating by the 51% Rule. This leads me to…
3) You cannot change anyone. And if you are changing someone by wearing them down…that’s not “change”; that’s manipulation bordering on bullying. Shame on you. I’ve heard it said that people will not change until the pain of staying the same exceeds the pain of changing. Read that again: (Insert His/Her Name Here) will not change until the pain of staying the same exceeds the pain of changing.
4) Be realistic about the big things. I am wary of anyone who doesn’t have a Plan B in most cases. Here’s the thing about ‘big things’: They always take longer to accomplish than you ever thought they would. It always costs more money than you expect. Personal growth is always more painful and terrifying than ever imagined. Be realistic and always have a Plan B. Repeat after me: “Hope for the best, plan for the worst.”
5) Some people won’t apologize because they can’t. They either don’t accept they are wrong or can’t cognitively grasp that their actions hurt you. It’s up to you to decide whether to admit if you are okay with their inability to say “I’m sorry” or walk away. Because, as we’ve already covered, they aren’t going to change. Plus, there’s an art to apologizing correctly, and most people need to learn how to do it. I encourage you to learn how to say “sorry” correctly and then, once mastered, listen carefully to so-called apologies. Then, when you start tuning in, you’ll know where you stand – and how to better gauge how emotionally mature someone is.
I’ve done my best to sum up what I plan to do and accept as truth over the next twelve months enough to leave you as I always do. Funny story: I had talked to someone about taking my blog to the ‘next level’ and the feedback was that I’d need to clean up my language a bit to move through the blog-o-sphere successfully. So. Um. I’m going to just let this thing grow organically, and with that, I’m going to leave you with this song.
If you liked these tips, share away. Apparently that’s the only way I’m going to get famous 🙂 Smooch!