Buttons Come and Buttons Go

Good morning, Dear Reader. One of you mentioned that you noticed I had gone ‘radio silent’, which is true. And thank you for noticing.

During the first week of absence, I had COVID, and while I wasn’t on my deathbed, I wasn’t well and didn’t have the energy to write. The following week ushered in the full moon in Aquarius and all its nonsense, which kinda sucked. The next week I just didn’t feel like it. How’s that for honest? I’m rarely at a loss for words when writing, but truthfully…I had a case of the blahs. I was all out of plant analogies, and sometimes, when your heart is not ready to share…the keyboard is, well, a foe.

I’d love to tell you that the autumn season may have finally arrived here in the Ozarks. The weather has been in the upper 80’s which has been a blessing, but you gotta love Southern Missouri and her fickle nature. I bet we are in for a few high temp days still yet, but for now it’s cool enough to walk around the block without passing out, and I ordered a hot chocolate at Scooter’s yesterday, so there’s that. 

The ‘fall’ is coming early for me regarding moods and transitions. I felt a shift coming on a few weeks ago, so I haven’t had a drop of whiskey since early August (or wine or coffee). There is no need to throw depressants and stimulants into a body that is already feeling some funky vibes. Feel me? 

So, I guess…grab that drink and settle in. I’ll join you with a cup of Earl Grey with milk – you know, British style – and we can talk about change.

I won’t go into any personal details today, but there’s always change, right? That’s the one thing we can count on in life. I used to fight it like a Highlander in the middle of a Scottish revolution – gathering my sword and blindly swinging, kicking, and screaming the entire time. (Too much Outlander, maybe?) Now, I just think, “I’m not sure I really understand what is happening here, but it’s happening. I’ll just buckle up and close my eyes.” Not great in war. But okay when anxiety levels are through the roof. Amiright?

With all change, it doesn’t just affect you, I’ve learned. Others are either directly involved or catch some shrapnel in the process. When I make inevitable decisions, my heart breaks – not only for myself but anyone else who may suffer the fallout. As much as I wanted to sell a recently shared home with a relative, I also knew that she would be sad. That made me sad. I’ve been a people-pleaser for so long that I sometimes can’t separate my feelings from those of others. Being an Empath can really suck at times. My sense of loyalty encompasses me in a shroud of guilt, even when I know the change is best for me. I guess I haven’t really learned the difference between ‘selfishness’ and ‘self-care’ as much as I’d like to have by now. I ‘grin and bare it’ so often that there are moments when I just can’t move for fear I will explode into a million tiny pieces.

When I struggle with certain decisions or challenges, I (as a writer) will typically look to children’s literature for the answer. Adults can make life so complicated, and sometimes I need a new view. Take Charlotte’s Web, for example. This novel is a great children’s story even if Kansas banned it once. Stupid, Kansas. If you think about it, the story is one of vulnerability, friendship, diversity, inclusion, and grief. Reading such a book through the lens of adult experiences reveals themes one can’t visualize as a child. By the time we reach adulthood, we’ve experienced all of that, right? We can see how mean that rat is. How much Wilbur wants to have friends. How grieved all of them are when Charlotte dies. (Ooops. Did I just spoil the ending for you? Sorry ’bout that.)

This entire month, I’ve wrestled with change, and while I cuddled in my blanket in a quiet space, I reminisced about another story that was one of my son’s favorites. Pete the Cat and His Four Groovy Buttons by Eric Litwin and James Dean is – at it’s core – a story about non-attachment, letting go, and moving on. It is a story about accepting that change comes and goes, and it’s up to us to decide how to handle that change. (That link is an audio version of the book. Come on. Take five minutes. It’s really good.)

When faced with change, we can do one of three things: Accept, fight, or ignore it. I don’t recommend that last one. The change will happen whether we participate in it or not. If we can stop kicking and screaming long enough, we might see that change often happens for us, not to us. And sometimes…sometimes…the lessons amid change are not just your lessons. Maybe, just maybe, there are lessons others are to learn during that time, too. 

I don’t know. Too deep?

{Sigh} Okay. Well. 

Maybe it’s a job. A relationship. A pattern of behavior. Whatever. We can always find something in our life that is begging for change. Transitions are complex – I’m not invalidating that at all. But there are some ways we can navigate change to stay as calm as we can during it. I can offer two nuggets today. That’s all I have the energy to deliver.

First, admit to yourself that change is hard. Change can be both good and challenging at the same time. Give yourself time to process the change. ‘Sit in the space’ and accept that you don’t know what will come next (Buddhists call this space “emptiness”). I’ll readily admit – this is absolutely terrifying to me. The Type A, Virgo, INTJ gal that I am prefers the ‘waterfall’ method rather than Agile (That’s project management speak. You can google it.) But rarely is life consistent with the ‘waterfall’ method. Most of the time, in life, the minimum viable product is all you get. At some moment, it will all be clear. Not usually during the process, though. The hope is that in the end, we all have what we need and what we want. But the process can be daunting and frustrating. I won’t lie to you about that.

Secondly, avoid asking everyone you know for their help and opinions. I went through my most recent change in absolute silence. I only shared with others after the change was in motion. I don’t know if that was helpful, but it was certainly out of the norm. I knew though that I didn’t need a bunch of other people clouding my thought process and projecting their own fears and anxieties on me. So, I didn’t gather the masses and start asking for their advice. I went to Spirit, and I listened to my heart. My heart. Not my head. Big difference.

How do you like them apples? Fun times today, huh? Yup.

And, in my melancholy mood, I leave you with a song. Life’s changes can feel like a landslide at times, but there are so many seasons of our lives, and each one brings a new direction if we let it. You may be going through the worse time of your life right now – and I empathize with you. I really, really do. I also know that it will, eventually, get better – especially if you lean into it.

(Oh, and next week is my birthday. Send me good vibes. I’d love some of those.)

3 thoughts on “Buttons Come and Buttons Go

  1. Change is inevitable, but remembering it is not always changes to you, but for you helps. What a deep and poignant topic. Thanks for sharing transparency and truth.

    • I – ON PURPOSE – refuse to watch the last episode of Season 5 on Netflix because I don’t want to have it ‘end’ until they announce when Season 6 will be ready. I am THAT girl.

Comments are closed.