Good morning, Dear Reader! My little stint in the upper midwest is coming to an end. Tonight I leave my friend Candi and her fantastic mate, Dave, and head south to Boone, IA. Ain’t gonna lie…the last night I spent in IA was 98* inside the car at night, and I’m not doing that again. I opted for an Airbnb and will not feel guilty one bit with my Casey’s pizza, air conditioner, and wine tonight. Not. One. Bit.
I think trips like this give me a chance to learn new things about myself – and accept those epiphanies no matter what. For example, I now know I do not like to car camp in the heat. I’m not too fond of it and will not do it again. That doesn’t mean Fall and Winter are off the table. Just not July. Ever. Also, I overpacked and realized I only needed about 20% of what I packed. But without this trip, how would I ever know that? And so, now we know, don’t we?
Like so many other endeavors in my life, this trip has allowed me to learn my truth – and not only understand it but speak it. I just told you I don’t intend to car camp again in the USA in the summer months. I didn’t know this would be true last Monday when I headed off…although I kinda suspected it. But now I do. And that is that.
I think this is a good setup for today’s post. Learning to speak our truth and doing it is so important. Some people are just born with that ability. My son, who is Autistic, tells his truth and doesn’t care one iota that his inner Sheldon is showing. I envy him sometimes. But why do I need to envy him? I can speak my truth, too, right? Right.
How about this: Grab a drink and settle in. We will talk about owning, speaking, and living our truths today. Ready? Let’s go.
Here are a few things you need to know about owning your voice and speaking your truths:
1) You’ll lose people. And sometimes, that’s okay. Some of my friends don’t understand why I want to learn to handle a firearm and be a responsible gun owner. They are so far left they want firearms abolished. I get it. I really do. I’m a little lean-to-the-left gal myself. It doesn’t stop me from going to the shooting range, though. And my less-than-conservative beliefs will also not stop me from telling right-winged nutjobs to stay out of my uterus.
2) Feeling guilty is expected once you start putting yourself first. As a recovering co-dependent, I feel for ya, baby. I felt a little guilty about taking this trip. And I did it anyway. As someone who struggles to put myself first, I want to tell you about EDMR. I’ve recently received a particular type of therapy called EDMR and it’s been amazing. I highly recommend it because it’s been so helpful. It will reset your limiting (or false) beliefs faster than traditional therapy. It’s costly, but effective when you can’t seem to move past the past.
3) It’s normal to need more time alone. Changing anything about your inner-self can bring up intense feelings, and taking time alone to process those emotions is absolutely okay. I’ve made a few substantial life transitions recently, and I’ve needed more time alone (more than usual!) to process and accept what I’m feeling. I’m already introverted and need a tremendous amount of solitude just to function without a high level of anxiety. These changes have required more. Like 30 hours in a car alone.
4) Anger is also expected. If you, like me, are guilty of shrinking yourself to fit into family dynamics, communities, or social groups, it is normal to be pissed off. Pissed off at them, at yourself, at nothing in general. It’s part of the process. Own it and then decide: Do I separate myself completely or simply limit my time with them? Either is fine. It’s your life. It’s your truth. You can bow out quietly or say “Go fuck yourself”. Either way, eventually, you will not be angry anymore. I was taught that saying “That’s not my job” meant I wasn’t a team player. I was nice and took on extra responsibilities all the time. I also faced tremendous burnout because of it. Now I simply say, “Wow, I’d love to help, but my plate is full right now.” I stay in my lane, and I don’t volunteer to be ‘helpful’ anymore. (Not my circus, not my monkey, remember?)
I’m not going to stand here and tell you I’m an asshole and don’t care at all. Sometimes, when I speak my truth, my voice still shakes. But that’s okay. I’ll take a shakey voice over miserable silence any day.
How about you? As you grow, what have you learned about yourself? Do you proclaim your disdain for sour cream? Did you admit you like a bit more spice in the bedroom? Did you sell most of your belongings to quit your job or take another one you like better for less pay? I’m so curious to hear your story, so do share.
Until you find your voice and comment below…here’s your song. Bobby Jo Valentine is such a great human. He’s a talented singer/songwriter, and I’ve had the pleasure of knowing him for a few years. On my trip mid-Missouri, I realized I hadn’t listened to him for a while so I found some older stuff and let myself feel the lyrics. Bobby Jo has a great life story and has had to come to terms with his own truth through the years. He’ll be the first to tell you that being brave and owning your truth comes with loss but also with gain.
Have a glorious weekend, and say a little prayer for safe travels as I head back home. I’ve had a good week, but I’m excited to smooch a few of my favorite people.
PS… If you like this post, please feel free to share it on all the socials. I’m picking up momentum and am kicking around moving to a podcast format, or at minimum, looking for sponsors for the blog. The more subscribers the better.