Good morning, Dear Reader. It. Is. Friday. And I don’t know if you can tell from how I typed that, but I. Am. Ready. I’ve got three books, and I can’t wait to cuddle up in an armchair with a little swig of Eagle Rare or Jefferson Reserve over one colossal ice cube with the likes of these smutty ‘romance’ tales. Before we get started…I need some recommendations: What are you reading, and is it worth it? Because my TBR pile is dwindling, and I’m in the market for some freshly pressed smut.
Anywho…today, I’ve been feeling a bit out of sorts. June isn’t a fun month for me. I don’t know if it’s because my late brother’s birthday is the 22nd or because the one-year anniversary of losing my friend, Bill, is right around the corner, but it’s stirring up a little sadness. Plus, the full moon is Tuesday, and ‘they’ say it will be a doozy. (Who the fuck are ‘they’ anyway? I mean, really?)
I’ve been in my head a lot this week. I was thinking back to the disaster that was my life in 2019. I’m facing another week-long vacation from my kiddo as he goes to hang out with his other half of DNA, and I’m itching to get out of town. In 2020 I did this and headed to Florida. It was nine glorious days with zero schedule or responsibilities. I’m headed north this time, though, through Iowa and Minnesota. I’m trying out the Subie and will be camping along the way. Too hot in Florida for that business, that’s for sure. Fingers crossed. If the blog just up and goes dark, you’ll know I was murdered in cow country or kidnapped while trying to order tapioca.
What has been on my mind, you ask. Well. Let’s dive in.
Grab a drink. Settle in. I’m sharing the three things that are no longer the same as they were just two years ago.
1) I care less about you and care more about me. I know that sounds really horrid, but stick with me here. I was so far out of touch with what I needed in my life, from the food I wanted to eat to the places I wanted to rest my head at night, that I was a walking zombie. Really. I can barely remember 2017-2020. If you are one of those people who doesn’t believe in trauma responses, then, um…I need you to unsubscribe. Because trauma is real, people’s ways of coping with it are unconventional. Add a global pandemic and world economic disaster to the mix, and well, let’s just say there’s a good reason I switched from wine to whiskey. But, alas, no more. I come first. Repeat that in your head until you believe it: I. Come. First.
2) I’m okay with mediocre. I’m an overachiever. I always have been until this year. While I’m not okay with the status quo, I don’t need everything to be ‘epic’ to feel satisfied. To paraphrase Mitch Rossell: I’ve never been to Venice or danced under the Paris lights. I’ve never seen Willie Nelson live. But that’s alright. And honestly…it is okay. I’m just as happy curled up in an armchair rereading “One Day In December” sipping a mid-shelf bottle of Chardonnay as I am galivanting all over the world. In fact, I’m probably happier with the former, if I’m being candid.
3) I ask for help. Okay. Before anyone calls me out on this…I am better at asking for help – I’m not great at it. But progress is progress, and I’ve leaned on more than one friend over the last twelve months to get me to where I am. One gave me a really great job which boosted my confidence. One insisted I buy some perfume and skirts. One suggested I start taking Vitamin D3 with K2 and magnesium. Help is help, right? All of those things have been good for me. But my favorite: To the person who suggested I start watching Yellowstone. You are my hero.
Today’s post is short because I want to leave you with some questions and, of course, with your song (go on…click that link. You’ll like that song. It pairs nicely with a crisp Reisling and while I’m not really a sweet wine fan, I can support it this one time).
So…riddle me this:
1) Are you putting so many people ahead of your own needs? If so, why? And how can you ease up on that a bit?
2) Are you ‘trying’ too hard? I was. I gave up all volunteer roles, and ‘downsized’ my career a bit. Where can you adjust back to ‘mediocre’ and still be happy?
3) Are you asking for help? We lost several good humans to suicide in May (Mental Health Awareness Month, nonetheless). Don’t let life get to you. I’m always here and my patio is always open for a pour. Come on over and chat.
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PS…I don’t think my life is ‘mediocre’ at all. To put this post in context, I invite you to read this post about living a mediocre life. It’s not at all what you think it might be.