Self-Love: Surround Yourself With Good

Egads. It never fails. I plan to post every Sunday and Wednesday, and yet, here we are: Thursday. Forgive my lack of social boundaries and utter disregard for organization. I try. I really do try.

As I was thinking of things to share with you this week, I remembered – vaguely – that we aren’t quite finished with our journey through the Rules of Self-Love. It seems appropriate, though, since I’ve been beating myself up for not staying the course with my writing.

I vowed to get back to my novel. Delaney and Jake need me to figure out their future. But with an imbecile still in public office (take your pick…I’m not speaking of just one…) and goofy-ass ‘Mericans doing the thing they do best (cause dissent), I just can’t focus on a torrid love story between a young man and a woman old enough to be his mother. Nonetheless…stay tuned. I’ll get revved up at some point and start rewriting the smut that makes me who I am.

So. Self-Love. Where were we?

Ah. Yes. Surround yourself with good. Hmmm. How appropriate. Let me take a swig of the goodness in this glass and enlighten you on this.

“Surround yourself with the dreams and the doers, the believers and the thinkers, but most of all, surround yourself with those who see the greatness within you, even when you don’t see it yourself.” – Edmund Lee

In my journey, I realized I had been consumed by non-stop long term commitments. Even then, I was lonely, closed off, anxious, and never quite sure when the other shoe was going to drop. Some of my hippie friends would say that I was the cause of my own relationships ending because of these feelings and emotions. I agree, but picking the wrong partners in the first place might have had a significant bearing on the outcome.

So, in August, I took a break for a while. I’m not really sure when I mustered the strength to say ‘Fuck it,’ but I did. I spent 90 days with no relationship, and I spent those days finding out what good things brought my heart joy. It turns out I’m not really that complicated, and I’m easily amused, so there is that.

I’ll share today with you, dear reader, six ‘things’ I did to surround myself with good during that time.

  1. I spent as much time around water as I possibly could. It started with a 9-day trip alone, landing on the beaches of the Gulf Coast. I got sunburned as hell but managed to make time every day to get near the waves. Once back home, I was at a lake, beside a creek, or seeking out waterfalls any chance I got. For me, large bodies of water are as close to Heaven as I can imagine.
  2. I chucked the past. I can’t do much about all those memories in my brain except ‘pivot’ when I start thinking about the past. But, I did spend some time learning to build a fire, and with that new skill…well…I emptied boxes of memories dating back to 1989, including two wedding albums and a shit ton of crap I shouldn’t have been carrying around anymore anyway.
  3. I made new friends. You know, it’s a hard thing to face – but sometimes, the people you hang around with are people that don’t always have your best interests in mind. Some of them aren’t even really all that nice. And me, doing nothing half-assed, I just cut, cut, cut. And it was glorious.
  4. I kept my best old friends. I made a list of the ten people who always raise my vibration levels when I’m in their presence, and I vowed to spend more time with them. If they lived too far to see regularly, I scheduled Face Time / Zoom sessions with them. My life is so much richer because of these people, and I love seeing their faces.
  5. I lowered my expectations. Please note…I did not lower my standards. Standards and expectations are completely different. I lowered my expectations and allowed myself to go to bed sometimes with dirty dishes in the sink. I don’t expect everyone I work with to give 100% all the time; I’m only responsible for my work ethic and standards. I stopped coloring my hair and decided to see what I looked like with naturally greyish hair (still not sold on this, by the way). I decided to cut myself some slack in so many ways. And I am so much more relaxed and content.
  6. I stopped attending church. I can conveniently thank COVID for this, but in reality, I realized that the only ‘good’ I was getting out of church was the message – and we’ve proven as a nation that sermons can be effectively delivered via the internet. As an introvert, I don’t really enjoy the ‘seen and be seen’ aspect of attending services in person anyway. Additionally, I can’t explain it, but every time I would leave the church building, I felt like there was this ‘ick’ I needed to wash off. I started to hate the bigotry (How ironic, huh?), the subtle forms of manipulation, and dare I say: the outright disregard for human life (“Hey…save the babies…but don’t adhere to the mask-wearing mandates.”) Anyway, my pastor and I meet each week while I listen to his sermon as I’m working my ticket queue. He may not know that, but then again, it’s not really about him, is it?

I hope these six things can help you. One I didn’t mention is: I put on my favorite playlist to begin feeling better. No sad songs allowed. If you have other suggestions for surrounding yourself with good, please do share them. In light of the shitshow America faced yesterday at our Capitol building, I could use some good ideas.

As always, here’s your song. I wish you peace, happiness, and above all else…I wish you joy. Until next time: Go out. Do good.